Speak Now

"We must teach our girls that if they speak their mind, they can create the world they want to see."

-Robyn Silverman

Good morning, one and all! Yesterday, I had some fabulous new readers sign on to my blog and I just wanted to say a quick thank you and welcome to all of you- so glad you stopped by. :) Today I wanted to talk on the subject of passiveness, because it is something that is prominently affecting me right now, and I feel it is time to take a stand against it! I am a self-described "people pleaser"; that is, someone that wants everyone to like them. Believe me, I realize this is simply not possible, but for some reason, it sure doesn't stop me from trying! Selflessness is a beautiful thing- ir reflects well upon one's character... BUT if you are doing it at the expense of putting your own needs on the back burner, then you may want to re-evaluate your priorities in life.

So many times I have found myself at work being asked to do tasks that I am uncomfortable with; things that are not even part of my job description. There have been times where I didn't even know how to do what I was being asked to do. But did I explain that to my boss, co-worker, or manager? You bet your blisters I didn't. Instead I pretend that I am fine with doing them favors and set to work, thinking frustrated, resentful thoughts the whole time... but still carrying on like everything is fine. So it should come as no surprise when the next day I am asked to do the same thing again, sometimes by the same person, sometimes by someone who saw me helping out the day before. Either way, I smile and agree. Over time, this has caused me to try and avoid these people, building resentments, and keeping me from going out of my way to be helpful.

Then recently, I found out that one of my employees was struggling with the schedule I have been giving her since March. Rather than come to me about it and explain, she had moved her conflicts around to accomodate the schedule, until she finally cracked. She went right to the boss and told him about the issue, instead of coming to me. Finding out about an employee problem from your boss is not fun, but the problem didn't get blown up when I explained I didn't know. I instantly changed things to make them work for her, but it still reflected poorly on me. For awhile, I was frustrated that she didn't let me know, but then it dawned on me: how many times have I picked up her shifts and pretended I was okay with it, only to have someone tell her later that I was unhappy with working that day? If I wasn't going to stand up for myself, why would she? A manager is supposed to serve as an example of good behavior and strong character. I was failing to the extreme.

The phrase, "Is that okay?" thrown at the end of a request is an open invitation for you to exercise your basic human right to say no. Use it. If you have a problem, speak up. If you cannot do something, don't be afraid to admit it. There are times when it may seem so much easier to just shut up and deal with it, but in reality, using your voice will make all the difference. It will get you out of those situations you don't want to be in. It will keep you from building resentment that isn't justified. If you don't stand up for yourself, how is anyone supposed to know when there is a problem? If you smile and play along, it will only reinforce the idea that you are perfectly fine. You may come across as stubborn, lazy, or rude at times to those who aren't used to being confronted, but that is so easily dismissed by most. Change and correction comes with speaking up.

 



As women, we tend to want to be the care-givers and be sensitive toward everyone's feelings. But next time around, try thinking about yourself first and see what happens. Hoping this strikes a chord with some of you and finds you with a little extra back bone today. Remember, we're all in this together!!

Stay cool,