More Than a Fashion: My Divorce Emancipation

As you know, these past eight months in my life have been filled with challenges, heartbreak, doubts, disappointments and flat-out fear.  There were days early on in the dissolution of my marriage that I was afraid that I would have no place to live, afraid that I would have to leave school, afraid that I was truly alone in the world and terrified that I didn't have what it would take to carry me though the most difficult days of my life. I could not have imagined last September that I would ever care enough about something like the fashion contest I just submitted to, to even consider entering. I could not imagine that my mind would be clear enough to come up with a vision for my entry or with enough positive energy to create anything  worth showing in a public forum. I felt very dead inside and numb to any thoughts except those that made me feel hopeless, worthless and very unloved. That was then and today I can very emphatically state that I was wrong.

Do I still have challenges? Of course. We all do, but I have learned so much by meeting the challenges of the last eight months that I have actually gained confidence in my abilities through adversity. Who knew? Oh yeah, whoever it was that said,  "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." That person must have known that. Just entering a design contest was something I probably wouldn't have had the confidence to do before.

Doubts and disappointments? Yeah. They're still present and accounted for and probably always will be to some extent. I think that's why they call it LIFE, right? But, most of the disappointments pale in comparison to the massive disappointment I experienced when my marriage ended. So, not winning a prize in this contest would be a disappointment, but not one that will throw me off my game or send me into a tailspin because I had a lot of fun making this dress and that is something I have certainly learned to value lately.

Fears? Yes. I must admit that the future still looks pretty scary to me, but when I look at the things I feared most a few months ago, they aren't as scary as they were then. I do have a place to live. The Powers that Be, brought me to the right people at the right time in the right place and I am living in a safe, happy environment. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to finish school and it did come very close to that. I honestly can't clearly recall a lot of the fall semester, but I do remember people who loved me telling me to get a certain part of my anatomy out of bed and into the classroom! I'm not saying I appreciated their words at the time, but I did drag myself to class everyday and, somehow managed to meet the requirements of each class. Now, graduation is so close I can smell it and it smells DELICIOUS!

The fear that I was alone in the world was one that faded rather quickly. From the day I discovered the deception in my marriage until this moment, I have not been alone. The number of loved family members and friends that have been there to support me outnumber even the number of stitches on my contest dress. You have to take my word for it ... that's a lot! And you, my blog friends, are counted in that group. Your comments of love and support mean so much to me. Thank you all. I still wonder sometimes if I have what it takes to carry me through the difficult days that I know are still out there ahead of me, but once you know that you have the kind of support that has been shown to me, that fear isn't always in the forefront of your mind.

And then there's heartbreak. Yup, it's still broken. I think a bit of that heartbreak will never fully heal, but sometimes these days it doesn't throb so badly and sometimes these days I only cry a little and sometimes these days I think that the broken heart has just become a part of who I am today. Today, I don't feel hopeless, worthless or unloved, so maybe the heartbreak had some strange, convoluted positive effect on me. At least I know I have a heart and it goes out to everyone I love with sincere and boundless gratitude.

So, can a dress for a fashion contest really say all that? Well, that's what it says to me and I just wanted to share that with all of you. Thanks ever so to all of you.

Until next time,

You'll Want to Read This: Mom's Guest Post

Dear friends, for starters, I would just like to say a big thank you to all of you for the texts, emails, and comments about my divorce. This whole ordeal has been incredibly tough on me and, at times, made me feel very lonely, so getting such comfort from all of you has been a refreshing reminder that there are those out there who care, even from hundreds of miles away.

Today I have a guest post from a very special person to me: my mother. My mom has been here for me in this struggle from the day I found out about Scott's deceit and she has watched me try to rebuild myself month after month. My mother is an incredible writer and she wrote a short "story", if you will, about my battle, from an outside perspective; what it has been like to watch me fight, as my mother.

 
It was just like a fairytale the first time they saw each other. Their eyes met across a crowded room and they began to make their way towards each other until their hands met. The sparks in the air were palpable. Love at first sight does happen and it happened to them that summer day. I know because I was there and witnessed the whole scene play out. In fact, I looked around to see if anyone else was catching this amazing, romantic moment. I remember thinking as I left the theatre that day, "Well, my baby girl has just met the man she's going to marry." And she did marry him in a beautiful, kind-of-stuff-dreams-are-made-of wedding. They stood before friends and family and made the most beautiful promises to each other and then as all good fairytale consumers know, they were supposed to "live happily ever after". But, we live in the real world, not a fairytale. The handsome leading man led an ugly, double life. Prince Charming proved not to be. And my baby girl woke up one morning in a world where she could be a baby no longer. My heart broke for her, but her heart was shattered in a million splinters of pain and shards of a dreamed-of life that would never be. Life as she knew it, life as she wanted it ended that awful August day. And there was nothing I could do about it.


As parents, we try to protect our children from every threat, every injustice and every aspect of pain they might ever encounter. The sad truth is, that is a futile mission. At best, we can only try to prepare them to deal with every threat, every injustice and every aspect of pain they will, inevitably, encounter. I did not know in August if my daughter was prepared to deal with the incredibly painful situation she found herself in. I never felt so useless as a parent as I did those first few weeks trying to help Paula navigate through the remnants of her happily never after, dividing up possessions, consulting lawyers, seeking medical advice and trying to help her hold on to one very important aspect of her young life ... her schooling. Her world crashed during the first week of the first semester of her senior year of college. She had put off her senior year to marry and help her "loving hubby" through college first, but he was unwilling to return the favor and suggested that she leave school and move home. We sought the advice of college staff and counselors, all of whom seemed to agree that given Paula's emotional state at that time that it would probably be best for her if she "took a semester off" until she was stronger. She confided in me that if she took a semester off, she was afraid she would never return. I was afraid so too. We were at our last stop on the trail to get advice on how Paula could get help to get through the semester when I found myself once again looking around the room to see if anyone else was catching what was happening. Of course, they weren't, because nobody else but me knew my baby girl. One of the deans of the college, who by the way was a very kind, empathetic listener, was lobbying hard to get Paula to take a little time off, when Paula remarked, "But I already gave him too much." I don't think the dean understood her remark and I didn't fully understand either until I saw the expression on Paula's face change from pain to SMUSH. Yes, I said SMUSH. I'll explain that in a minute, but I knew at that moment that Paula had decided that she had given up college once for the man she thought was going to be there to help her get that degree someday and she was not going to let him take that away from her again. I knew right then, that the decision had been made and it was not the easy route. Paula was going to battle her way through the betrayal, the divorce, the medical issues, the emotional issues, the loss of her apartment, the lonliness, the demands of school and work and the incredibly terrifying prospect of doing it all by her 23-year-old self. The SMUSH face said it all.

I don't remember exactly the first time I saw the SMUSH face, but I know Paula had mastered the look by the time she was a toddler. It is the look that comes over her face whenever she has made a decision that comes not just from her head or her heart, but from her very core. It happens whenever she makes a decision that she won't back down from. It's her "true grit". It's her "Stand and fight and take no prisoners!" look. It's Mel Gibson in Braveheart without the kilt-flipping, of course. Paula is, after all, a lady. I won't go into how it became known as the SMUSH face, perhaps that's a topic for another blog, and while the name sounds soft, believe me, it is a solid testament to her mettle. (mettle: Noun: A person's ability to cope well with difficulties or to face a demanding situation in a spirited and resilient way. Synonyms: spirit - nature - temperament - character). And I knew there was no arguing with the SMUSH face. We thanked the dean and left the office, both knowing that Paula was going to stay right where she was and finish school. She is now only weeks away from her degree and yes, I'm busting my buttons with pride. Yes, Paula may vacillate between chunky boots and sling back pumps. She may go back and forth between silver eye shadow or navy. She's still trying to decide if pattern is back in a big way in her wardrobe, and, please, don't ever ask her to decide what restaurant to go to, but Paula has made a huge decision about her life. She has decided it's her life to decide about. It is not going to be what she dreamed of. It is not going to be what she had wanted it to be. It is going to be what it is going to be, and she will be making the decisions about what each next step will be. She is on her way to her hopefully, happily whatever after. Maybe it's not the stuff fairytales are made of, but it is definitely the stuff real life is made of. And real life, after all, with the good the bad and the ugly, is where we all have to live.


I love you, Paula, with all my heart and I believe in the power of P!

As several of you out there are new parents who haven't had to deal with issues like this for your babies, I wish them and you nothing but happiness and pray that none of you ever have to write a testimonial under the same circumstances for your children. However, if you do, isn't this a beautiful way of letting someone know you care? Thank you, Mama- I will love you always.

And Then There Was One...

"I'm in the middle of a divorce, you ignorant hick. D-I-V-O-R-C-E: Dee-vorce!"

-Johnny Depp (Secret Window)

Dear Bloggers,

When last we talked, I was a happily married newlywed, working my way through life's little struggles with the man of my dreams by my side to help and better the ride. Distance, money, and differences in opinion couldn't tear us apart. Infidelity, however, could. That chapter of my life is over and I am returning to the world as a single woman, with a lot of heartache to work out.

I shut myself away from the world when I learned about Scott's indiscretion. I became unhealthy, emotionally unstable, and angry at the world. I internalized a lot of the pain and took the blame upon myself. My summer became a dark blur of hopelessness and loneliness. But I eventually decided to fight back...

I have been working toward bettering myself and un-doing the damage that the love of my life inflicted upon me. I am relearning every day how to make it on my own, how to love myself again, how to let go of anger, and how to find peace with God throughout all this.

I apologize for my absence and for my gloomy return to Blog Land, but as we approach the new year, I want to face it head-on and continue to grow from this devastating experience. I hope to use blogging as an outlet for monitoring my progress and learning from the input of others.

I started this blog as a compilation of the lessons we learn on a regular basis as we navigate our way through this crazy journey known as life, but until recently, I wasn't aware of just how much living and learning I had yet to do. This road block in life is only the beginning of a great adventure I will be going on to learn more about myself and what incredible things I am capable of doing on my own.

Thank you to all my friends and family for the prayers, support, and sympathy you have extended to me over the past four months. Stand by to see how I'm using all of your assistance to grow into a better me.

Peace and love,

22 Things

Well, ladies, tomorrow is my birthday! Today is my last day of being 22, so I called upon this survey my beautiful sister-in-law tagged me in months ago, but I was too busy to fill out. It has 22 things you didn't know about me... and maybe never wanted to? Also, if you are looking for a good read, you should all pop on over to the fabulous blog of my sister-in-law, Emily. You will absolutely love her. She is the most optimistic, cheery person ever, and I'm sure you will find her posts uplifting and hilarious. I will be celebrating tomorrow, but check back again soon for more from me, as a 23-year-old lady.

Twenty-Two Things

The Rules:

1. Post these rules.

2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.

3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.

4. Create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.

5. Go to their blog/twitter and tell them that you've tagged them.

Here are the Random Facts about me:

1.  I have dyed my hair every possible (realistic) color I could have, from platinum blonde to black, strawberry blonde to auburn, I've done it all. These days I'm giving it a break and sticking with my natural color: light brown.

2. I used to have to wear an eye patch as a kid. I was born with a lazy eye, which eventually turned into pretty much a dead eye. Growing up, my eye doctors always said I could get Lasik when I was 23. Well... I'm turning 23 tomorrow. You do the math. Early graduation present? I think so.

3. I still count on my fingers.

4. I no longer have gobs of friends, but I do know who the good ones are, and that's why they're the only ones I surround myself with now. There's nothing bad to be said about any of them.

5. 90% of my entire wardrobe has been acquired since I've known Scott. I used to hold on to all my clothes forever, but since he came in the picture, I've learned it's about quality, not quantity, so he's helped me figure out what to keep and bought me 98% of that 90% I've gotten since he came around.

6. My TV/Movie-watching interests are strange: I either like super corny, dramatic, superficial girly-girl shows, or documentaries. Rarely anything in between. Two very opposite ends on the spectrum.

7. I sometimes pretend to bad at something or seem unprepared for things, just so that when I succeed, it seems like an accident or happy surprise. Don't want to let myself get TOO confident.

8.  I am all about generic brand EVERYTHING. It all works/tastes the exact same to me and saves a ton of money. Except mac and cheese. Never try and emulate Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. That's worth the extra 40 cents every time.

9. I have commitment issues. With hobbies, that is. I am super passionate about learning a new skill or idea for the first 48-72 hours and then the excitement fades and I let the hobbies die by the wayside, only to rediscover them months later and wonder why I ever stopped and start it up again. And so the cycle continues...

10. I am very particular about hangers, and it drives Scott nuts. I cannot stand wire hangers, colored hangers, certain types of hangers with the weird pegs on them, certain materials. I am constantly sneaking into Scott's closet and swapping his nasty plastic colored hangers for the correct ones, but three days later, they're always back on the WRONG hangers! Time to toss them out for good, I guess.

11. I buy 'what-if' dishes. I always insist upon having WAY more dishes and glassware than I need, in case one or more break. So if we go out and buy and 16-pack of glasses at Target, I always make us buy another 16-pack of glasses, in case some break. It's a simple formula: double whatever you need. Just in case. It's not a good idea, for those of you who don't think I'm crazy. I am. Don't listen to me on this one. :p

 Emily’s Questions for me:

1.       What is the biggest event, by number of people, that you have seen in person?

 I don't get out much. And I absolutely detest large crowds. I have severe social anxiety, and crowds just set off panic attacks, so I avoid them at all costs. That being said, I have ventured out for concerts, which are always packed. The worst (though probably not biggest by number, but by mass) was Black Friday at Target. The checkout line snaked through EVERY. SINGLE. AISLE. in the entire store, wrapping all the way around back to the door. Just to CHECK OUT! It was the worst experience of my life. We waited an hour and a half.

2.       If you could trade places with any other person for a week, famous or not famous, living or dead, real or fictional. with whom would it be and why?

I would trade places with anyone who lives in a warm, quiet place, in an amazing house, with a huge closet, filled with amazing clothes, all in my size, and that keeps a fridge stocked with my favorite foods. Explanation not necessary. :p

3.       What kind of people do you dislike?

I seriously dislike fake and dishonest people. In my family, we are all incredibly honest. Sometimes TOO honest, some might say, but that's just the way we are. We don't like the bull. If you're mad at someone, you make it known, work it out, and move on. There's no underlying resentment or unknown issue that way. I had WAY too many fake friends back in the day, who would be nice to my face, but talking so poorly about me behind my back. It hurts way worse that way than if they say it to your face. If you don't like someone, avoid them. I don't believe there's any sense in being fake and pretending to like someone you don't. I'm not saying be rude or mean to this person, but if you don't like them, either figure it out between the two of you, or stay away altogether. This may be a future post.

4.       If you had only six months left to live, what would you do with the time?

Probably just relax. Spend all my money, take a vacation somewhere warm with my family, eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and just enjoy my loved ones (including my puppies).

5.       If you could be a superhero, what would you want your superpowers to be?

If I were a superhero, I would want the power of invisibility. I'm a lover, not a fighter, so I'd take the passive approach and be able to lie low. Plus, if I did have to kick some butt, I'd rather do it without being able to be seen and stand a better chance of surviving.

6.       What is one of your guilty pleasures?

It's such a cliche, but shopping. I adore shopping and have a hard time thinking logically about what I need or how much I can really spend. When I'm sad, I shop. When I'm bored, I shop. When I want to reward myself for a job well-done, I shop. It's a problem. Sort of.

7.       What is the best advice that you have been given?

The best advice I have been given is from my grandpa. He always said, "You quit eatin', you die." Grandpa was all about solid girls because he knew they were eating and were healthy. It basically always motivated me to love myself, no matter what size I was. We would always "have a little lunch" with Grandpa, because food is comforting to us. Not to the point where it's an unhealthy crutch; it's just something we all like to do in my family.

8.       If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?

P!       That's it. 

9.       If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

I love my name- it's older, so it's not one you hear very often, but not so old it's obsolete. However, when I was growing up, I loved the name Shawna. Still do.

10.   Who was your best friend in elementary or high school? Are you still friends with them?

In elementary school, my best friend was Maya. We have lost touch since we graduated high school, but if we could ever get back together, I have no doubt in my mind we would still be great friends. She's an amazing girl and I still think her and her family are wonderful.

11.   What is, hands down, one of the best things that have ever happened to you?

One of the best things that has ever happened to me was deciding to go back to college. While I truly dislike taking classes and feel like it will never end, I am now only one year away from having a degree for life. My mom always said that if her kids went to college, she would feel like she accomplished something with her life. I feel great that I can help her reach that goal, and reach it for myself, too. From here on out, even if I end up working dead-end jobs the rest of my life, I can always look back on it and say, "I have a college degree. I dedicated over 17 years of my life to learning and expanding my knowledge." That's a pretty powerful thing.

So here are my questions for the following people: Courtney, Jessie, Sean Marie, and Taylor!

1.       When/how did you know your husband was "The One"?

2.       If you could say only one word for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

3.       What was your worst Halloween costume growing up?

4.       If you had only six months left to live, what would you do with the time?

5.       If you could have any job in the world you wanted, what would it be and why?

6.       What is your biggest pet peeve?

7.       What is the worst thing you've ever blurted out without thinking?

8.       If someone made a movie about you, who do you think should play you and your hubby?

9.       What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

10.      Who are five living people that you would like to meet?

11.      Have you ever cried because you were so happy? When?

The End Is Near!

Well, ladies and... well, I think it's only ladies, but this one's for you too, gentleman: The school year is FINALLY almost over and I can almost return to my regular blog sessions. This has been hands-down the craziest semester of my life, no lie. Taking 20 credits, training a new puppy, stage managing for a community theatre, costuming for a play, entering a fashion design contest with friends and trying to build a social life in my new town has been no easy task! I thank God that not only have I been able to fight through these past four months, but I've managed to do a pretty solid job while doing so, too.

I've been maintaining my fantastic grade point average and receiving recognition for it along the way. Yesterday was the school's annual fashion show and I have never been so inspired in my life! I literally got emotional watching it. Many of the looks were from sponsoring retailers, but the final two portions were entirely student-made designs and they were FABULOUS! As I watched my friends' and classmates' creations being modeled on the runway, I just knew that I have to be a part of this for 2013. So that is my goal for next year: to model my own creations in the fashion show for all my friends and family to see. It's going to take a lot of work, but I'm feeling very confident. I also plan on becoming a member of our school's Fashion, Apparel and Business Organization, so I can help coordinate the show and tour behind-the-scenes facilities in the Midwest fashion industry.

 After the fashion show, there was a showcase of projects done by students that were hand-selected by professors to represent the fashion program at NDSU. One of my teachers informed me that she would be using one of my projects in the showcase, so I stopped by after the show to check it out. However, as I walked through the small gallery they had set up, I noticed not one, not two, not even four, but FIVE of my projects that I created this semester were being displayed for everyone to see. I had no idea beforehand and it was such an honor to be selected and to represent something I love so much.

 My Fashion Business Journal, including fashion news, analysis, reaction papers, and trend information.

 For another assignment, I analyzed three trends in toddler boy fashion- this was the board that accompanied my paper.

We had to develop a line of apparel- this is 3 gowns for evening wear: the inspiration board and the design board.

I've made quite a few friends in my short time here, and actually managed to have a few laughs along the way, despite all the extra schoolwork. I was nervous entering a program comprised mainly of young women (girls and I have had a lot of struggles in the past), but I think I've finally learned to figure out for myself the good eggs from the bad ones. This will be my first summer spent away from the Twin Cities, and though I am sad that I won't see my friends from back home as much as I'd like, I am thrilled to have people up here to spend the hot summer months with.

 This was a project where we had to create apparel from a specific decade (We did the 70s) out of garbage- literally! And those are some of my new friends: Betsy, Emily, and Kylie. <3

So as the semester comes to a close, I just want to thank all of you for being so patient with me and standing by as I slugged through these past four months. I'm hopping back on the blog band wagon as soon as finals are over- just a couple more weeks!

XOXO,

When the Going Gets Tough...

"A man has always to be busy with his thoughts if anything is to be accomplished. "
-Antonie van Leeuwenhoek

I would love to apologize a hundred times over for my lazy blogging habits the past few months, but when I began this new semester in a different town at a different school, I did NOT see this coming! Who would have guessed that college gets harder the further along you are... What's that you say? Everyone knows that?? Hmm...

Needless to say, I've been busy. I just finished up my stage managing position, but my theatre days aren't over yet... I'm now on the costume board of the upcoming Spring production, having spent my Saturdays hand-stitching cardboard onto a sweatshirt, sitting for four hours at a time. Outside of that, literally every second that I have not been at school or play practice/tech, I have been doing homework. That is not really an exaggeration. Even now, I'm foregoing homework to catch up with all of you!

So what do you do when you're this busy and stressed out?? Here are a few of my go-to strategies:

1) Don't forget to eat! Science has proven this, folks! No matter how tough times are, you must get a good meal to keep your brain engaged and to keep yourself from the dreaded HANGRY monster (that is, when you are so hungry you become angry... we've all been there). Bottom line: you quit eating, you die.

2) Cry. A lot. Preferably at the very end of the day when you're supposed to be sleeping, and after staying up way late into the wee hours of the morning, trying to get things done. Just let it out... 

3) Only slightly prioritize. Tend to the things that must be done first before the later due things, but of those things you must have done tomorrow, treat them all as if they're the most important. Don't tell yourself that just because you got one thing done, you can slack on the rest. You can't.

4) Take time-outs. I strongly recommend working on everything until it's done and you can go to bed, but during those long hours that you're working, take intermissions. My recommendations? Netflix. I like to watch old episodes of The Hills, personally (drama, drama, drama). An episode of a TV show without commercials is only about 20 minutes, and in that time, you can grab a snack and refuel for the next act of business!

5) Pray. Now, I know this is listed as Number 5, but I don't mean that as least important. If anything, it's at the end so it will stick with you more. While you may want to pray, meditate, whatever your spirituality prefers anyway, it is especially important to pray during the hard times. Not only does it calm you down, but I'm really confident that it increases productivity ten-fold... try and disprove that, science! But really... give it a whirl.

This has been my brief intermission in my hectic day, brought to you by North Dakota State University. Join me next time for our regularly-scheduled blog session. Thank you and good night... or afternoon... or morning...

Free Day Friday: My Most Embarrassing Moment

Today is Free Day Friday here at Life's Little Lessons and because of my fantastic mood (it's the freakin weekend!), I thought it might be fun to spread the joy and put a smile on your faces by sharing a funny (and humiliating) moment from my life. It's Friday, so let's laugh together!

I grew up in a very conservative lifestyle... no swearing, no smoking, drinking, and especially no revealing outfits!! Not a surprise- lots of you were raised that way- religion is something to be respected. But we all have our times when we are dying to rebel... even if it's just for a day.

It was 7th grade. The time when we're all incredibly awkward and self-conscious about our rapidly-changing bodies. Some girls looked to be about 25 while others looked 12. Yeah, THAT time. Anyway, we were required to take gym class and it was the swimming unit at this particular time. Girls were NOT to wear two-piece swimsuits and if they did, they would have to cover up with a T-shirt provided by the school. Tankinis (the two-piece suits with the tops that ALMOST reach the bottoms, revealing only an inch of skin at most) were allowed without the T-shirts.

I wore my one piece every day. I didn't own two-piece suits, with the exception of my one and only tankini. The girls used to laugh at me because I was one of the only people who actually obeyed the rules and didn't need to borrow a T-shirt to cover up my non-existent curves with. One day I finally had it. I was going to wear my tankini and show everyone that I wasn't such a goody two-shoes.

I was always one of those girls who refused to change in the locker rooms, so I would have to go wait in the bathroom for one of the stalls to open up so I could change in there. On my day of rebellion, people were taking FOREVER in the bathroom and by the time I got in the stall to change, the instructor called in, "Last call to make it to the pool!" If you were tardy, you not only got that marked on your record, you might not be allowed to participate in class that day and get zeros on the activities.

This was my first time in a two-piece suit and I was confused as all get-up on how to wiggle into one so quickly, but I did my best, and RAN through the locker room, stopping only for a moment to stand under the shower so my hair could get wet and stepped out to the pool edge. I was relieved that I had made it "on time".

Everyone was in the pool by the time I got there: boys, girls, teachers and all and I found it weird that as I was entering the water by the pool stairs, everyone was STARING at me, hard-core. "Man, this tankini must really make me look grown up and hot," I thought. "They must be shocked to see me pushing the rules like this. Mission accomplished." And while I stood there on the stairs with people looking, my confidence sky-rocketed and I took my sweet time going down into the water.

A few minutes later, people were STILL staring, especially the boys, and I was beginning to wonder how good I must look to have them whispering about me instead of paying attention to the teacher. It was then that I realized how darn uncomfortable two-piece suits were, especially in the bottoms. Too big on one half and too small on the other?? That didn't seem right. And then I figured it out:

I had put my swimsuit bottoms on sideways so that the crotch portion was on my hip and the hip side was... well, let's just say it was in the wrong place and showing waaaaaaay more than I intended.

I suddenly longed for my ugly, goody two-shoes one-piece suit... and a school-issued T-shirt... and my dignity. I was mortified. What was worse is that it was SNORKEL DAY, where everybody went under the water with eyes wide open, safely behind their goggles... and they could stay under the water and stare for as long as they wanted.

I spent the whole lesson, pressed up against the pool wall, holding on for dear life, and telling the teacher I wasn't comfortable with the unsanitary idea of sharing snorkels (it wasn't a complete lie!) so I would be forfeitting my grade for the day. Turns out, failing the swimming unit wasn't the worst part of gym classs... imagine that!

Happy Friday,