What's Your Name?

Today, I wanted to talk about something that I never thought would be an issue until a couple years ago... something I'm hoping some of you can relate to (If not, maybe I'm just a selfish wifey). Growing up, I knew lots of girls that would dream about their wedding day. They would rip pages out of their moms' magazines, play wedding dress-up, have their Barbies marry their Kens, and, most of all, doodle their name with their dream boy's last name.

For example, I would be "Mrs. Paula Taylor Thomas" (I didn't realize growing up 'Taylor' was his middle name)... you know what I mean. The most common example during this time was "Mrs. So-And-So DiCaprio", naturally.

What's that, JTT? You brought me flowers?! You dreamboat...

8-year-old Paula loved him. 22-year-old Paula still does.

That being said, I didn't join in on this coming-of-age tradition. I never, in my wildest imagination, until I met Scott, thought I would ever get married. I had absolutely no desire to ever settle down. I wasn't going to let a man hold me back in life, and I certainly wasn't going to take his name! I liked my name, thank you very much. Loosely translated, my name meant "Little Princess" and that was exactly how I wanted to stay.

So when Scott and I got engaged, the subject naturally came up of me becoming "Mrs. Stoneking" and instantly, I shot the idea down. I hated that name with a passion and didn't want to lose my name that I had been given by blood. Scott and I got into a couple of pretty heated arguments over the subject, and every one of them ended in me refusing to change my name. Looking back, I can understand why Scott felt like he did. Having the same name makes you seem more like a family and presents fewer conflicts should children ever come into the picture (so far, I've been great about standing my ground on that issue). Time and time again, I would cry over the thought of having to take on a name that I hated so strongly.

It was a lose-lose issue and neither of us were too happy.

Finally, the hot summer day came along for us to apply for our marriage license. I walked in that office, cool as a cucumber, determined to walk out of there knowing my name was saved and I could go on saying "here" with confidence when a teacher called my name during role call. But just as I got there, my mom called me and pleaded with me. She knew how upset Scott was about me not wanting to be a Stoneking; it hurt him a lot. But she also knew how much I resented the idea. In our conversation, she reminded me that Scott's name was a part of who he is and if I didn't love that too, I wasn't really accepting all of him. She explained how much easier it would be on joint paperwork and mail and answering machines (okay, that last one was me, but you get the idea).

I stared at that box that read "Legal name after marriage" for about ten minutes straight. All the while, Scott was watching me, waiting with hope in his eyes and his fingers crossed under the table. I picked up the pen and began to write...

St... "Oh God, what am I doing??"

one... "Is it too late to get a new form to fill out??"

kin... "There's not even a ring to it! It's just two random words slapped together!"

...g!!! "What the blazes did I just do?"

If you could have seen the look on Scott's face when he saw my last-minute change of heart, you would've handed the form in, too. I know I made him happy. The legal process of changing my name... oh, pretty much everywhere, sucked. I hated waiting in long lines, getting a new social security card, emailing all my teachers, contacting all my old schools, getting a new driver's license photo, changing my magazine subscriptions, and yes, changing my voicemail. But it's over now and I'm still, over a year later, trying to get used to it. I still don't like the name at all and saying it out loud feels awkward and clumsy, but I know I did the right thing.

And if nothing else, it sure looks nice on Christmas cards.

What about you?? Did you struggle with the idea of changing your name??

I'll be looking for your emails,